praying for 2 little girls

one year ago today my life changed forever.

may 10, 2010, was like any other day. it was a monday, the day after mother's day, and i was working, just like i do every day.

just before 3:00 that afternoon i received an email from a local adoption agency. it was an email with pictures of waiting children (children who have special needs or children who are older) who needed families.

there were several children's pictures in that email. all of them beautiful. all of them in desperate need of a family.

however, one picture changed everything for brent and me.

i don't know what it was about that little girl. i don't know why she caught my attention. i had seen so many pictures of waiting children. of course i wanted so badly for each of them to have a family, but it wasn't until i saw her picture that i thought about having one of those children as my child.

sometimes i think about her, and in my mind i refer to her as "the face that launched a thousand ships" because her picture was what launched brent and me into the active process of adoption.

we spent a month of last year thinking that she could be ours. we knew there were no guarantees, but we couldn't pursue her adoption without preparing ourselves to be her parents. and we couldn't prepare ourselves to be her parents without loving her. oh, and we did love her. we still do love her.

my heart ached so bad when we found out she wouldn't be ours. i was so confused! i didn't understand why God would have done this to us. why would He give us love in our hearts for a child that was never going to be our child? why would He put us through that pain? what had we done to deserve this? weren't we just trying to follow His leading?

i would have never admitted this at the time, but i was so angry. it didn't make any sense to me. for several months i would burst into tears at random times because something about her came to my mind. i thought i had it all figured out and knew what God wanted for us, and i hated that i was wrong.

it took me a long, long time to come to this realization:

she wasn't meant to be our little girl. she was meant to change our lives.

because of her, we actively began the adoption process.

because of her, we opened our hearts to a waiting child.

because of her, we began to learn what trusting in God really means.

because of her, we started to realize what's really important in life.

because of her, we are getting to adopt the one who was meant to be our little girl.

we will always love that little girl. no, she won't be our daughter. and yes, we LOVE our little miss ethiopia and will always love her and Lord willing she will be our daughter very soon. but, i don't think we are supposed to ever stop loving that little girl. God used that little girl to change our lives!

so yes, we love two little girls. both are precious. both needed families. both changed our lives.

so tonight, this is my prayer for those precious girls:

Lord, we know you have the most wonderful plans for our lives. Lord, we know that your plans don't always make sense to us, and sometimes our hearts hurt because we don't understand. but Lord, we thank you for always taking care of us and for wanting only the best for us. thank you, Lord, for that little girl. thank you for creating her in your image. thank you for what she has taught us. thank you for giving her a family. bless her, Lord, and bless her family. give them more love than they could have ever imagined.

and Lord, please watch over our sweet baby. please give her good rest and everything she needs.

and Lord, please bring our baby home soon.