i have been in denial about this long enough, and it's time for me to come clean. i am a yard sale-holic.
what is a yard sale-holic, you ask? well, the 2 most common types of yard sale-holics are: type a (shoppers) and type b (sellers). i have been diagnosed as a type b yard sale-holic. i could never, ever, ever be diagnosed as a type a yard sale-holic. ever.
truth be told, i HATE going to yard sales. HATE. i don't even like shopping in stores, where things are clean and unused, much less where things are dingy and worn out. and usually it's hot outside, and i really don't like hot.
HOWEVER, hosting a yard sale is an entirely different story. it's not even the same. when you are the host of the yard sale, you can:
1. plan it for the fall or spring, not the summer (to avoid the much despised hot)
2. rid your own home of dingy and worn out stuff
3. sit in lawn chairs
yes, hosting a yard sale is a great idea. i totally believe that statement. after all, i am a type b yard sale-holic.
i didn't realize about my addiction until just recently. brent and i, along with our families, were in the middle of a yard sale (my nirvana), discussing previous yard sales we had hosted. brent and i have lived in our home 3 years and 4 months, and we just hosted our THIRD YARD SALE since we moved in. the reality hit me like a mack truck. i vowed then and there that i would seek help.
we did have a great excuse for this third yard sale, though. this whole yard sale was in honor of our little miss ethiopia...and every penny from the sale is helping us bring her home. and let me tell you, it was CRAZY! it was not a recipe for a good yard sale, and here's why:
1. it was cold. cold cold cold. and a little misty.
2. not one item had a price tag. (well, my sister had this pewter strawberry that she was very attached to and she did price that one item. but nothing else was priced. nothing.)
3. we didn't put an ad in the paper.
4. we had originally planned on selling friday and saturday, but i think it rained about 20 inches on friday. so, we were off schedule, the ground was mushy, and the world around us was just generally damp.
5. everyone participating in the yard sale was exhausted before the sale even started.
no, a yard sale on april 16, 2011, was not necessarily a good idea.
for our two previous yard sales, we had perfect weather. perfect. we put an ad in the paper. most items were priced. the ground was dry.
and in those two yard sales, we almost made just enough money to make it worth it. almost. but this yard sale was different. yes, it was a recipe for disaster, but it could not have been farther from being a disaster.
i totally, one hundred percent with all my heart believe that God worked a miracle with this yard sale.
we had non-stop customers. we had people that came and stayed for 2 hours. we were all in a good mood (even though we had about 3 hours of sleep). we got rid of so much stuff! and people paid money for all that stuff!
God was so good to us on the day of our yard sale. He helped us get so much closer to our little girl. He helped us see what a wonderful community of family and friends we have. He reminded us of what our friends (and adoption champions) scott and gwen oatsvall say: "God funds what He favors." i can tell you with all my heart that He certainly does.
so many people helped make the yard sale possible. mom, dad, amie, tom, laura, seth, bethany, justin (my wonderful parents and sisters and brothers-in-law), vicki, jimmy (my wonderful in-laws), memom (my precious grandmother), you all were INCREDIBLE! we could not ever have even fathomed doing that without you. you rock.
so many friends donated stuff to be sold, brought food, moved stuff out of my garage, promoted on their blogs (thanks, jennifer!), shopped, prayed, and just encouraged us in what we were trying to do.
it's almost embarrassing for me when i think about everything people have done to help us in this process. we so do not deserve the family and friends by whom we have been blessed. God is so good. so, so good.
i was downtown the other day and drove by the lifeway building. i have never noticed before but they have all these verses chiseled into the stone. i was stopped for about 10 seconds, waiting for a traffic light, and i saw my new favorite verse in the Bible. i have never, ever, seen or heard this verse. but seriously, i need to be saying this all the time:
"thanks be unto God for His unspeakable gift." - 2 corinthians 9:15
you will see that verse on this blog again.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
to make a long story short...
i don't have much time to write, but i did have to share one thing:
IT IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING HOW GOD WORKS!
i cannot wait for my little girl to one day hear the whole, long, dramatic story of how she came to be our daughter and how the Holy Spirit was with her daddy and mommy every step of the way.
"My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior..." - Luke 1:46-47
have a great weekend!
IT IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING HOW GOD WORKS!
i cannot wait for my little girl to one day hear the whole, long, dramatic story of how she came to be our daughter and how the Holy Spirit was with her daddy and mommy every step of the way.
"My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior..." - Luke 1:46-47
have a great weekend!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
i've never been one for races...
it's true. i really hate races. i've never been a fast runner. i never participated in the races at the skate center (the ones they did at the very end of the night before they closed) even though all my friends did. i always hated races in p.e. class, and i never really understood why p.e. teachers seemed to enjoy making unathletic kids feel bad about themselves. side note - i remember several times in elementary school when our p.e. teachers just had us run laps in the gym for the whole class. what a great way to get 3rd graders excited about exercising!
races stink.
well, that's not totally true. races kick butt when you are winning. i would have loved racing if i had ever been fast. i love winning, so i would have been all about racing if i ever thought i could win. i am not a good loser at all. i am a sore loser. and when you already know you are slow/unathletic, losing something (which just serves as a reminder of your slowness/unathleticness) is really not fun at all.
so really, i guess i should just say this: losing stinks.
so what does this have to do with anything?
right now i feel like i am losing the most important race ever.
and it really, really stinks.
i KNOW the adoption process is not a race. i know that. but it's so hard to remember that. i know our situation has been different than others...we started this journey differently than most others do, and our journey has taken turns that we did not expect. our agency (which really is wonderful - they have been so good to us) does things differently than other agencies - and for most of those things i am very, very thankful! however, our process does seem to be moving a little slower than those around us. and it stinks.
it stinks because we already love her, and we want her to be here. it stinks because i don't know who is caring for her, and i want to be the one caring for her. it stinks because our friends and family already love her, and they want her to be here. it stinks because i don't know if she has a warm bed or if she has a full tummy or if she has clean hands or if she is getting hugged and kissed and told that she is loved. it stinks because everyone seems to be in a panic about the future of ethiopian adoptions, and we don't know what it means for us or for her. and it stinks because i really don't know what i can do about it.
it stinks for all those reasons. i am not ashamed to say any of that. but, i am ashamed to admit this: it stinks because i don't feel like i am "doing the adoption thing" as good as everyone else.
i thought this was going to be different. yeah, it's no secret that i have never been the prettiest/skinniest/smartest/richest/most organized/funniest/best dressed/most athletic/most spiritual/kindest/you fill in the blank-est. but, i thought i might be really good at this. i thought i would start the process and get a blog and meet all these other adoptive moms and they would love me because we are all going to have racially diverse families and we would be best friends and i would go to fundraisers and i would know all the right things to say to inspire others and i would find my niche and our adoption would go really fast because i would be all over the paperwork and i would have everything timed perfectly and i would be in touch with all the right people and everything would just be great.
it hasn't turned out that way. i am not winning the adoption race. i am not the cool adoption mom that i wanted to be.
somewhere in the midst of all my competing and comparing and stressing, my loving, patient, all-knowing Father God gently reminded me:
NONE OF THAT MATTERS. AT ALL.
the ONLY thing that matters is that God be glorified through the adoption of our precious child.
this adoption is not about me. this adoption is not about how quickly (or slowly) brent and i are moving through the process. this adoption is not about what we want to do for this child.
this adoption is about our getting out of the way and letting God work a miracle to bless our lives, her life, and to show others what an incredible and mighty God we serve.
if i try to "win" this race, i will lose. it's a good thing that God wins every time. He's just waiting for me at the finish line. He knows i'll get there, and He knows the exact moment i'll get there. He's not concerned with me being the fastest. He just wants me to "run with perseverance the race marked out..." (Hebrews 12:1). and whenever i get there, it will be exactly as it should be.
ps - i need to make sure that everyone knows something: i have met a lot of other adoptive parents. they have been nothing but wonderful to me and brent. we are so blessed to live in a community with so many families who have adopted (and are in the process of adopting) and are more than willing to encourage us and share their stories with us. my thoughts are relating no one's shortcomings but my own.
races stink.
well, that's not totally true. races kick butt when you are winning. i would have loved racing if i had ever been fast. i love winning, so i would have been all about racing if i ever thought i could win. i am not a good loser at all. i am a sore loser. and when you already know you are slow/unathletic, losing something (which just serves as a reminder of your slowness/unathleticness) is really not fun at all.
so really, i guess i should just say this: losing stinks.
so what does this have to do with anything?
right now i feel like i am losing the most important race ever.
and it really, really stinks.
i KNOW the adoption process is not a race. i know that. but it's so hard to remember that. i know our situation has been different than others...we started this journey differently than most others do, and our journey has taken turns that we did not expect. our agency (which really is wonderful - they have been so good to us) does things differently than other agencies - and for most of those things i am very, very thankful! however, our process does seem to be moving a little slower than those around us. and it stinks.
it stinks because we already love her, and we want her to be here. it stinks because i don't know who is caring for her, and i want to be the one caring for her. it stinks because our friends and family already love her, and they want her to be here. it stinks because i don't know if she has a warm bed or if she has a full tummy or if she has clean hands or if she is getting hugged and kissed and told that she is loved. it stinks because everyone seems to be in a panic about the future of ethiopian adoptions, and we don't know what it means for us or for her. and it stinks because i really don't know what i can do about it.
it stinks for all those reasons. i am not ashamed to say any of that. but, i am ashamed to admit this: it stinks because i don't feel like i am "doing the adoption thing" as good as everyone else.
i thought this was going to be different. yeah, it's no secret that i have never been the prettiest/skinniest/smartest/richest/most organized/funniest/best dressed/most athletic/most spiritual/kindest/you fill in the blank-est. but, i thought i might be really good at this. i thought i would start the process and get a blog and meet all these other adoptive moms and they would love me because we are all going to have racially diverse families and we would be best friends and i would go to fundraisers and i would know all the right things to say to inspire others and i would find my niche and our adoption would go really fast because i would be all over the paperwork and i would have everything timed perfectly and i would be in touch with all the right people and everything would just be great.
it hasn't turned out that way. i am not winning the adoption race. i am not the cool adoption mom that i wanted to be.
somewhere in the midst of all my competing and comparing and stressing, my loving, patient, all-knowing Father God gently reminded me:
NONE OF THAT MATTERS. AT ALL.
the ONLY thing that matters is that God be glorified through the adoption of our precious child.
this adoption is not about me. this adoption is not about how quickly (or slowly) brent and i are moving through the process. this adoption is not about what we want to do for this child.
this adoption is about our getting out of the way and letting God work a miracle to bless our lives, her life, and to show others what an incredible and mighty God we serve.
if i try to "win" this race, i will lose. it's a good thing that God wins every time. He's just waiting for me at the finish line. He knows i'll get there, and He knows the exact moment i'll get there. He's not concerned with me being the fastest. He just wants me to "run with perseverance the race marked out..." (Hebrews 12:1). and whenever i get there, it will be exactly as it should be.
ps - i need to make sure that everyone knows something: i have met a lot of other adoptive parents. they have been nothing but wonderful to me and brent. we are so blessed to live in a community with so many families who have adopted (and are in the process of adopting) and are more than willing to encourage us and share their stories with us. my thoughts are relating no one's shortcomings but my own.
Monday, January 24, 2011
goodbye 2010...welcome 2011!
oh it's just been so long since i have blogged. too long, really. of course, you already know this because you can clearly see that my last post was on november 6. really? november 6?
i haven't technically been avoiding it...but i am the world's worst procrastinator when it comes to writing. and it's not really procrastinating as much as it is partial writer's block. i can usually write a lot, but it only comes in spurts. i used to have a job where i wrote a lot of letters. my boss would give me these letters to write, and he would usually only give me like 3 or 4 at a time, but for some reason i would get so overwhelmed at the thought of writing those three letters. i would sit down at my computer and have no idea what i was going to say. so after a while, i would just put the letters in a stack. and sometimes the stack got high. (i should note that it wasn't like a was just shoving the letters off and kicking back...i always had plenty of work to do, and then plenty after that). but, when i got in the writing mood, i could bang out like 15 or 20 letters in one afternoon. one of habits was to go over to the office on a weekend, turn my tv on, watch something really intellectually stimulating (like "real housewives"), and write letters. i knew i wouldn't be interrupted by a knock at the door, my office phone wouldn't ring, and i was in the mood to write.
the entire last paragraph was a really, really long way of telling you how i have to be in a writing mood to be able to write anything at all. i kind of feel like stephenie meyer. i mean, she doesn't seem to be in the mood to finish "Midnight Sun" (much to my dismay, i might add) so she just isn't doing it. but seriously she needs to finish that puppy. have you read the first part of it that is on her website? if you haven't, go now! have i mentioned i'm a twi-hard? and yes, i totally just compared myself and my writing to stephenie meyer.
so yes, 2011 is already moving way too fast. brent and i have been saying for months now, "maybe she'll be home by the end of 2011." well guess what...january is almost over and i am freaking out! we are working on our dossier right now. we mailed off our stuff to uscis, and we are awaiting their approval. hopefully it will be soon. someone told me last week that you never know with uscis. approval could come in 5 weeks or 5 months. great. we keep telling ourselves it's all God's timing, though, and that He definitely, definitely knows best.
the end of 2010 was a crazy whirlwind for us. here are a few of the highlights:
brent and i both graduated! woo hoo! we both walked across that stage and it was like a huge burden was lifted off of us. i am so glad that i am so done with papers and so so so done with proofreading someone else's papers!
aren't we cute? i actually don't like this picture at all because i hate myself in a hat. i mean really, it is sooo obvious that a man designed those things. what woman in her right mind would think hat hair was a good idea on a day you know you have to go to a party?
of course, we graduated from:
yes, our beloved alma mater, LU. this was my third lipscomb graduation. the "lipscomb bubble" jokes can commence now.
then christmas came. oh how fun christmas was! we got to spend time with these cuties:
oh my goodness couldn't you just eat them up?!? these precious angels made christmas such a joy for us...and it made us even more excited to think about christmas with our little one.
the very end of 2010 was a total situation. brent and i celebrated new years eve with him getting the flu and bronchitis. and of course i was the worst wife ever because i had to work on new years eve and day (really long story) so i could not take care of him. so his parents had to take him to some walk-in clinic and get like 4 prescriptions and he was the most pitiful thing you have ever seen. but he is so better now...thank goodness! i really don't know how much more i could have taken of that.
the end of 2010 brought with it a lot of reflection. 2010 was such a weird year. i mean, it was a wonderful year, but a crazy weird year. when 2010 began, we would have never, ever guessed we would be where we are right now. it is so amazing to think of all of the doors God opened (and also of all the doors He closed) for us. we have never been more thankful for His guidance. He continues to open (and close) doors every single day. sometimes the closing doors slam in my face, but i know that i will look back and be SO thankful for the ones He slammed shut!
2010 held a lot of laughter. a lot of tears. days of joy. long nights of sorrow. many hugs. a few cross words (probably more than a few). hundreds of "are you kidding me?"s. hundreds of "i love you"s. and thousands of "i can't wait for her to be home"s.
so, what does 2011 hold? only He knows. i sure can't wait to find out.
i haven't technically been avoiding it...but i am the world's worst procrastinator when it comes to writing. and it's not really procrastinating as much as it is partial writer's block. i can usually write a lot, but it only comes in spurts. i used to have a job where i wrote a lot of letters. my boss would give me these letters to write, and he would usually only give me like 3 or 4 at a time, but for some reason i would get so overwhelmed at the thought of writing those three letters. i would sit down at my computer and have no idea what i was going to say. so after a while, i would just put the letters in a stack. and sometimes the stack got high. (i should note that it wasn't like a was just shoving the letters off and kicking back...i always had plenty of work to do, and then plenty after that). but, when i got in the writing mood, i could bang out like 15 or 20 letters in one afternoon. one of habits was to go over to the office on a weekend, turn my tv on, watch something really intellectually stimulating (like "real housewives"), and write letters. i knew i wouldn't be interrupted by a knock at the door, my office phone wouldn't ring, and i was in the mood to write.
the entire last paragraph was a really, really long way of telling you how i have to be in a writing mood to be able to write anything at all. i kind of feel like stephenie meyer. i mean, she doesn't seem to be in the mood to finish "Midnight Sun" (much to my dismay, i might add) so she just isn't doing it. but seriously she needs to finish that puppy. have you read the first part of it that is on her website? if you haven't, go now! have i mentioned i'm a twi-hard? and yes, i totally just compared myself and my writing to stephenie meyer.
so yes, 2011 is already moving way too fast. brent and i have been saying for months now, "maybe she'll be home by the end of 2011." well guess what...january is almost over and i am freaking out! we are working on our dossier right now. we mailed off our stuff to uscis, and we are awaiting their approval. hopefully it will be soon. someone told me last week that you never know with uscis. approval could come in 5 weeks or 5 months. great. we keep telling ourselves it's all God's timing, though, and that He definitely, definitely knows best.
the end of 2010 was a crazy whirlwind for us. here are a few of the highlights:
brent and i both graduated! woo hoo! we both walked across that stage and it was like a huge burden was lifted off of us. i am so glad that i am so done with papers and so so so done with proofreading someone else's papers!
aren't we cute? i actually don't like this picture at all because i hate myself in a hat. i mean really, it is sooo obvious that a man designed those things. what woman in her right mind would think hat hair was a good idea on a day you know you have to go to a party?
of course, we graduated from:
yes, our beloved alma mater, LU. this was my third lipscomb graduation. the "lipscomb bubble" jokes can commence now.then christmas came. oh how fun christmas was! we got to spend time with these cuties:
oh my goodness couldn't you just eat them up?!? these precious angels made christmas such a joy for us...and it made us even more excited to think about christmas with our little one.
the very end of 2010 was a total situation. brent and i celebrated new years eve with him getting the flu and bronchitis. and of course i was the worst wife ever because i had to work on new years eve and day (really long story) so i could not take care of him. so his parents had to take him to some walk-in clinic and get like 4 prescriptions and he was the most pitiful thing you have ever seen. but he is so better now...thank goodness! i really don't know how much more i could have taken of that.
the end of 2010 brought with it a lot of reflection. 2010 was such a weird year. i mean, it was a wonderful year, but a crazy weird year. when 2010 began, we would have never, ever guessed we would be where we are right now. it is so amazing to think of all of the doors God opened (and also of all the doors He closed) for us. we have never been more thankful for His guidance. He continues to open (and close) doors every single day. sometimes the closing doors slam in my face, but i know that i will look back and be SO thankful for the ones He slammed shut!
2010 held a lot of laughter. a lot of tears. days of joy. long nights of sorrow. many hugs. a few cross words (probably more than a few). hundreds of "are you kidding me?"s. hundreds of "i love you"s. and thousands of "i can't wait for her to be home"s.
so, what does 2011 hold? only He knows. i sure can't wait to find out.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
oh hello there, blog. it's been a while...
i am probably the worst blogger ever. it seems that sooo much is going on, and when i start to think of all i really should be writing about, i get overwhelmed and just don't do it. i kinda have the same attitude about housecleaning. but my messy house is really more of an unfortunate situation than my neglected blog.
first of all, i must say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who came to the 147 party a few weeks ago. it was a huge success, thousands of dollars were raised, and so many people learned about the 147 ministry and the orphan crisis. God worked (and is still working) miracles through this adoption. i can't wait for little miss to get here so i can tell her about her God that loves her and about all of her friends and family that loved her before they even knew her!
we just found out last week that our home study received its first approval and is on its way to getting its second (and i think final) approval! we are so excited and ready to hit the ground running on our dossier! apparently someone thought i needed to learn patience because sometimes this whole thing seems to be taking FOREVER! but, we are learning every day how to rely more and more and God and trust in His timing. i have to keep reminding myself of isaiah 40:31 - "but they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength..." it also talks later about running and not growing weary. now wouldn't that be a miracle?
also new in our life...i just started a new job. i got a part-time job at williams-sonoma, and it will probably be just for the holidays. but who really knows? i had my first shift this past week, and i LOVED it! i mean, the whole purpose of the store is cooking, and the whole purpose of cooking is eating, so why wouldn't i love it? i will probably end up buying too much stuff to make working there even worth it, but "so what? who cares?" it really is a dangerous store for me to have access to.
oh also a big announcement...the cutest little blond haired boy ever is now a whole year old!!! last weekend we went to mr. cody's big boy birthday party, and we had the best time. i really have the most precious nieces and nephews ever. i really don't think i am being biased. if we took a vote, i really think they would win.
God has taught me so much over the past few weeks. there has been some really tough stuff going on, stuff you wish would just go away but you know it probably never will. but, God has been faithful. God has given us a family. God has given us some really, really good friends. God has given us peace and rest. God is helping us strengthen our faith.
while we don't know the outcome of this situation or really any situation, we do know this: God has the power to do ANYTHING. and, He loves us.
that pretty much rocks.
first of all, i must say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who came to the 147 party a few weeks ago. it was a huge success, thousands of dollars were raised, and so many people learned about the 147 ministry and the orphan crisis. God worked (and is still working) miracles through this adoption. i can't wait for little miss to get here so i can tell her about her God that loves her and about all of her friends and family that loved her before they even knew her!
we just found out last week that our home study received its first approval and is on its way to getting its second (and i think final) approval! we are so excited and ready to hit the ground running on our dossier! apparently someone thought i needed to learn patience because sometimes this whole thing seems to be taking FOREVER! but, we are learning every day how to rely more and more and God and trust in His timing. i have to keep reminding myself of isaiah 40:31 - "but they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength..." it also talks later about running and not growing weary. now wouldn't that be a miracle?
also new in our life...i just started a new job. i got a part-time job at williams-sonoma, and it will probably be just for the holidays. but who really knows? i had my first shift this past week, and i LOVED it! i mean, the whole purpose of the store is cooking, and the whole purpose of cooking is eating, so why wouldn't i love it? i will probably end up buying too much stuff to make working there even worth it, but "so what? who cares?" it really is a dangerous store for me to have access to.
oh also a big announcement...the cutest little blond haired boy ever is now a whole year old!!! last weekend we went to mr. cody's big boy birthday party, and we had the best time. i really have the most precious nieces and nephews ever. i really don't think i am being biased. if we took a vote, i really think they would win.
God has taught me so much over the past few weeks. there has been some really tough stuff going on, stuff you wish would just go away but you know it probably never will. but, God has been faithful. God has given us a family. God has given us some really, really good friends. God has given us peace and rest. God is helping us strengthen our faith.
while we don't know the outcome of this situation or really any situation, we do know this: God has the power to do ANYTHING. and, He loves us.
that pretty much rocks.
Friday, October 8, 2010
party time!
before i say anything about anything, i must show you this:
i have some of the most wonderful friends that ever were. it's really amazing that i have friends who are so good to me, because i really am not that good of a friend. i am not nearly as thoughtful as most of my friends are...but God has blessed me with some precious angels in my life!
one of my dear, dear friends leigh ellenburg (if you say her name real fast when you talk about her people think you are talking about someone named leigh ellen) is hosting a "party with a purpose"...and the proceeds help brent and me bring home our sweet girl!!!
when leigh emailed me and told me she was doing this, i was floored. i wasn't surprised that she would be so sweet, but i was just so humbled at the priceless people God has put in my life!
anyway, anyone who wants to come to this fun party (and the best part is you get to buy things for yourself!) is so welcome to come shop!!! just be sure to check out 147millionorphans.com to see all the great items that will be there! thank you leigh for your sweet heart!
this whole "fundraising" thing is a little new to me, and it is also a little hard for me...i actually sat with leigh and cried in chick-fil-a because i was so overwhelmed and scared at the thought of someone feeling pressured to give us money. i would never, ever, ever want anyone to feel pressure. however, i am unbelievably thankful for those people who have already given (you know who you are) and for those who have said they would do anything to help us get our girl home. i can't explain what that does to a girl's heart! so many people have offered hugs, prayers, encouraging words, housecleaning services (more on that later), and even a listening ear...i mean, brent and i have been given sooooo much more than we deserve. God is so so so so good - and i learn that more and more every day. thank you to all of you who have supported us - you are priceless!
just a few questions i have been pondering lately:
why do i think my house looks fine most days...but then panic over every little thing when i know my social worker is making a visit? (btw, this is the reason my precious momma and my sweet sister laura and my wonderful m-i-l vicki offered to come help clean.)
why do people who hear you are going to be a mother make a face when they find out you are adopting (rather than being pregnant)?
why is God so good to me even when i am so selfish and neglectful and gossipy and totally not mindful of Him?
why do i sometimes cry my eyes out over a commercial?
why does hair grow fast when we want it to be short and not grow at all when we want it to be long?
how can i have my own radio show (not really my own, but with some of my FUNNY friends)?
and these, my dear readers (all 2 of you), are the questions of my life this week. if anyone has an answer to any of them (or an answer to another, totally unrelated question), please feel free to comment.
i have some of the most wonderful friends that ever were. it's really amazing that i have friends who are so good to me, because i really am not that good of a friend. i am not nearly as thoughtful as most of my friends are...but God has blessed me with some precious angels in my life!one of my dear, dear friends leigh ellenburg (if you say her name real fast when you talk about her people think you are talking about someone named leigh ellen) is hosting a "party with a purpose"...and the proceeds help brent and me bring home our sweet girl!!!
when leigh emailed me and told me she was doing this, i was floored. i wasn't surprised that she would be so sweet, but i was just so humbled at the priceless people God has put in my life!
anyway, anyone who wants to come to this fun party (and the best part is you get to buy things for yourself!) is so welcome to come shop!!! just be sure to check out 147millionorphans.com to see all the great items that will be there! thank you leigh for your sweet heart!
this whole "fundraising" thing is a little new to me, and it is also a little hard for me...i actually sat with leigh and cried in chick-fil-a because i was so overwhelmed and scared at the thought of someone feeling pressured to give us money. i would never, ever, ever want anyone to feel pressure. however, i am unbelievably thankful for those people who have already given (you know who you are) and for those who have said they would do anything to help us get our girl home. i can't explain what that does to a girl's heart! so many people have offered hugs, prayers, encouraging words, housecleaning services (more on that later), and even a listening ear...i mean, brent and i have been given sooooo much more than we deserve. God is so so so so good - and i learn that more and more every day. thank you to all of you who have supported us - you are priceless!
just a few questions i have been pondering lately:
why do i think my house looks fine most days...but then panic over every little thing when i know my social worker is making a visit? (btw, this is the reason my precious momma and my sweet sister laura and my wonderful m-i-l vicki offered to come help clean.)
why do people who hear you are going to be a mother make a face when they find out you are adopting (rather than being pregnant)?
why is God so good to me even when i am so selfish and neglectful and gossipy and totally not mindful of Him?
why do i sometimes cry my eyes out over a commercial?
why does hair grow fast when we want it to be short and not grow at all when we want it to be long?
how can i have my own radio show (not really my own, but with some of my FUNNY friends)?
and these, my dear readers (all 2 of you), are the questions of my life this week. if anyone has an answer to any of them (or an answer to another, totally unrelated question), please feel free to comment.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
are we ready for this?
this past weekend my sister and her family came in town for the holiday (even though they left before the holiday which i don't understand but it had something to do with my brother-in-law's having to work on monday so really it wasn't a holiday for them so i don't know why they can't come every weekend).
anyway, amie, tom, caroline, and charlotte came to stay at my parents house, and their visits always mean that we not only get to see them but we also get to spend time with laura and her family (because it's more fun to go over to mom and dad's house when they have people in town). we had a super fun time, but then we cried a little because buffies and justin weren't there.
one of the things i love about family being in town is going to church together. sometimes my heart just aches because i don't worship at the same church as any of my sisters. sometimes my heart just aches because we don't all live next door to each other. i love worshipping with my family. it takes me back to antioch days when we were young and life was simple and i wasn't responsible for paying any bills.
church with family is much much different now then it was then, though. now we have all of us adults and four kids under the age of four. and they are such messes. but they are the best messes that ever existed. plus, these are cousins, and everybody knows that the mischief level of normal children raises by 45% when they come in contact with their cousins.
brent and i were right in the middle of the fun on sunday morning, and i was loving every minute of it. every 5 minutes some 2 year old would decide he or she needed to sit on the other end of the pew and step on everyone's toes in the process. the 10 month old would NOT sit still, but some water in a sippy cup and some puffs (whatever the heck those are...they seem a little suspect to me) would occupy him for about 10 seconds at a time. toys were being dropped, water and puffs spilled (and don't forget toes stepped on), but it really was just a normal worship service with kids. about 15 minutes into it, brent looks at me and whispers (with a very stressed out look on his face), "i don't think i am ready for this" i said, "well you better get ready." (i am about as supportive as a training bra.)
i can't say that i haven't had those same thoughts/feelings. there isn't a day that goes by that i don't wonder if i am too young/inexperienced/spacey/unorganized/lazy/you fill in the blank to be a mother. like, do i really know what i am getting into?
here is what i have settled on:
yes, i am too young/inexperienced/spacey/unorganized/lazy/you fill in the blank/and a million other things to be a mother.
no, i don't have any idea what i am getting into.
but, i won't be the youngest mother that ever was. (according to http://www.mothersdaycelebration.com/mothers-day-trivia.html, the youngest mother ever was like 5 years old. umm, gross.) i won't be the most inexperienced mother that ever was. i won't be the spaciest or the most unorganized or laziest or whatever (it would be kind of fun for someone to make a list of who those women were/are. how awful though if your name ended up on that list!).
and, has any mother ever really known what she was getting into? no matter how many classes you attend, books you read, or doctors you talk to, no one can ever really prepare you for being a mother.
we went to a training last night at our adoption agency, and we talked for 2 hours about how to do the right things for your child once you bring him/her home. overwhelming would be a mild way to describe this training. i know we were supposed to leave there feeling more prepared, but i think we just left there realizing how much we don't know. there are all these things you have to think about when it comes to attachment, things that are different than when you have a child biologically. the lady that was running the meeting said, "if we don't get attachment right, nothing else matters." wow. no pressure or anything.
i have come to the realization that i cannot be a good mother. i cannot figure out this attachment stuff. i cannot raise my child the way she needs to be raised. i cannot love her and care for her the way she needs to be loved and cared for. all i will do is totally screw things up.
however, GOD can give me the strength and knowledge i need to be a good mother. GOD has this attachment stuff down, and HE already has a plan for our attachment with her. GOD loves her and is taking care of her and will continue to love her and take care of her and will give me the love and tools i need to love her and take care of her. and when i totally screw things up, GOD will show me how to clean up the mess (or HE will just clean it up for me - like HE does all the time).
i guess brent was right. we really are not ready for this. but God is.
anyway, amie, tom, caroline, and charlotte came to stay at my parents house, and their visits always mean that we not only get to see them but we also get to spend time with laura and her family (because it's more fun to go over to mom and dad's house when they have people in town). we had a super fun time, but then we cried a little because buffies and justin weren't there.
one of the things i love about family being in town is going to church together. sometimes my heart just aches because i don't worship at the same church as any of my sisters. sometimes my heart just aches because we don't all live next door to each other. i love worshipping with my family. it takes me back to antioch days when we were young and life was simple and i wasn't responsible for paying any bills.
church with family is much much different now then it was then, though. now we have all of us adults and four kids under the age of four. and they are such messes. but they are the best messes that ever existed. plus, these are cousins, and everybody knows that the mischief level of normal children raises by 45% when they come in contact with their cousins.
brent and i were right in the middle of the fun on sunday morning, and i was loving every minute of it. every 5 minutes some 2 year old would decide he or she needed to sit on the other end of the pew and step on everyone's toes in the process. the 10 month old would NOT sit still, but some water in a sippy cup and some puffs (whatever the heck those are...they seem a little suspect to me) would occupy him for about 10 seconds at a time. toys were being dropped, water and puffs spilled (and don't forget toes stepped on), but it really was just a normal worship service with kids. about 15 minutes into it, brent looks at me and whispers (with a very stressed out look on his face), "i don't think i am ready for this" i said, "well you better get ready." (i am about as supportive as a training bra.)
i can't say that i haven't had those same thoughts/feelings. there isn't a day that goes by that i don't wonder if i am too young/inexperienced/spacey/unorganized/lazy/you fill in the blank to be a mother. like, do i really know what i am getting into?
here is what i have settled on:
yes, i am too young/inexperienced/spacey/unorganized/lazy/you fill in the blank/and a million other things to be a mother.
no, i don't have any idea what i am getting into.
but, i won't be the youngest mother that ever was. (according to http://www.mothersdaycelebration.com/mothers-day-trivia.html, the youngest mother ever was like 5 years old. umm, gross.) i won't be the most inexperienced mother that ever was. i won't be the spaciest or the most unorganized or laziest or whatever (it would be kind of fun for someone to make a list of who those women were/are. how awful though if your name ended up on that list!).
and, has any mother ever really known what she was getting into? no matter how many classes you attend, books you read, or doctors you talk to, no one can ever really prepare you for being a mother.
we went to a training last night at our adoption agency, and we talked for 2 hours about how to do the right things for your child once you bring him/her home. overwhelming would be a mild way to describe this training. i know we were supposed to leave there feeling more prepared, but i think we just left there realizing how much we don't know. there are all these things you have to think about when it comes to attachment, things that are different than when you have a child biologically. the lady that was running the meeting said, "if we don't get attachment right, nothing else matters." wow. no pressure or anything.
i have come to the realization that i cannot be a good mother. i cannot figure out this attachment stuff. i cannot raise my child the way she needs to be raised. i cannot love her and care for her the way she needs to be loved and cared for. all i will do is totally screw things up.
however, GOD can give me the strength and knowledge i need to be a good mother. GOD has this attachment stuff down, and HE already has a plan for our attachment with her. GOD loves her and is taking care of her and will continue to love her and take care of her and will give me the love and tools i need to love her and take care of her. and when i totally screw things up, GOD will show me how to clean up the mess (or HE will just clean it up for me - like HE does all the time).
i guess brent was right. we really are not ready for this. but God is.
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