Tuesday, June 22, 2010

wishin and hopin and thinkin and prayin

plannin and dreamin, too!

so yesterday we had a meeting with our case worker. first of all i must say, we LOVE our case worker. she is so wonderful, and has really been a strong supporter of us from the very beginning. she is one of those people who you just want to hug the second you see her, and what really makes me happy is that she always gives me a hug every time she sees me. :)

so we were with our rock star case worker, seeing if we could figure out our options. when you decide to adopt (at least this is how it works with our agency), you have to decide which countries you are interested in pursuing. then you have to be "dispositioned," which basically means approved to pursue. they base this really on the surface details (age, length of marriage, income, etc.). so, we had already been dispositioned for the country that we were originally pursuing (the one where the little girl is from), but we wanted to be dispositioned for two more countries that had really been on our hearts.

anyway, back to our meeting...we where with our case worker, and we told her that we were not limited to the countries for which we were already dispositioned. so she brought out her list of countries and started talking about all the options. what was funny, though, was that she was only mentioning one of the countries we were most interested in. she had never said anything about the other country. so i just blurted out, "well we are interested in _____________ ." i know you are reading this and your jaw just dropped to the floor at the thought of me blurting out anything. i am usually so soft spoken.

well, when i said the name of that country, she just got so excited! she said, "oh my goodness that is awesome! i would definitely recommend that country. i think you should go for it." it pays to blurt.

so, we went for it. we requested to be dispositioned for both of the countries. and today we got word that we had been dispositioned for both countries!!!!

so now we are thinkin and prayin and wishin and hopin. we both feel pretty strongly right now about which country we are planning to pursue...but we just want to leave it with God for a little bit. we know He will guide us and lead us to our child.

"I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths." - Proverbs 4:11

Friday, June 18, 2010


this is going to sound like complaining for a few minutes...just deal with it.

this week has been crazy, and i am absolutely exhausted! the work week started on sunday right after lunch...and on friday night it's still not over. bhcc just finished vbs 2010 (a stellar success, by the way), camp starts a week from sunday (omg), and the honduras brigade leaves in less than a month. it was one of those weeks when i got to work in the morning and about 10 minutes later it was 8:30 p.m....to top it all off, this is a class weekend for me (of course), so that means thursday and friday were super rushed.

so i have been thinking all day about how tired i am and how i have felt busier than a one-armed paper hanger this week. i sometimes could be accused of being dramatic and pitiful, and this afternoon i was having a blow-out of a pity party.

after about two hours of wallowing it hit me: God is so good.

this week had the potential to be a really, really sad week in our house. after we found out on friday evening that she wouldn't be ours, i couldn't even look at her picture without bursting in to tears. my heart just ached. it was all selfish, i know that, but it was still very much a disappointment for us.

but here is the amazing thing...i have not had time to think about the sadness this week. God has kept me busy all day, every day! He has taken such good care of me, and He has given me the chance to celebrate, laugh, love, and be loved this week. yes, i am exhausted and the only thing keeping me going is the thought of a nap this sunday afternoon. but this has been one of the best weeks i have had in a long time!

i think the next few weeks are only gonna get better!

please pray on monday. we have a meeting with our case worker to discuss our options for moving forward. we are so excited to see what God has in store.

God is so good. God is so good. God is so good. He's so good to me.

Monday, June 14, 2010

the beginning of a journey

"The LORD your God has blessed you...He has watched over your journey through this vast desert...the LORD your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything." - Deuteronomy 2:7

so many things have been going on lately, and i don't even know where to start. we are definitely at the beginning of a journey, the kind of journey with an unknown destination. part of that is very exciting - we consider ourselves pretty boring people, so anything that shakes up the norm is usually welcome. however, part of that is very, very scary. we had reached a point in our life that was so comfortable and blessed - we both absolutely love our jobs, we are both about to finish grad school, we have never been happier together, and we have great friends, wonderful family, and a nice place to live. God has been so good to us, and we have definitely seen and felt his blessings in our lives. so, the norm was feeling pretty good, and a shake up was very unexpected.

brent and i have always known we wanted kids - that has never been a question. we want a house full of them! we also have always known that adoption is something we were very interested in. we never knew exactly what an adoption would look like for us (domestic, international, baby, special needs, etc.), but we were just open to God's leading. we didn't know how or when, but we just knew that was something we wanted for our family.

the day after mother's day, may 10, 2010, God put a burning in our hearts - a burning we could not ignore (nor did we want to ignore it). God sent us a picture of a little girl, and we both wanted more than anything to bring that little girl home. i have never felt that way about a child - it was so unbelievable. i love love love my nieces and nephews and would do absolutely anything in the world for them. but this was different. i could not get this child off my mind. all i wanted was to pray for her, know more about her, and know what i could do to take care of her. i loved - and still do love - that little girl. so many questions were unanswered, so many things about it seemed crazy, but brent and i felt so much peace about the whole thing. we knew there was a reason we had seen her picture, and we knew that God was giving us this love for her and this peace in our hearts.

we dove head first (and wholeheartedly) into the mountain of paperwork that comes with any adoption. we submitted our first application, our second application, references, medical paperwork, psychological evaluations (which we were both sure we had failed!), and much more. we told our families (who were more than ecstatic about the whole thing), our bosses (who were both unbelievably supportive), and a few friends (who have loved and stood by us no matter what) and just waited until the first "cut." we knew that nothing was guaranteed, but we also knew that this was happening for a reason, and we really couldn't help the way our hearts felt about that little girl.

on friday, june 11, we got word that this precious little girl was going to be adopted by another family. praise the Lord for providing a family for her. they are in our prayers, and we are so thankful for the love they have for their new daughter.

however, we are heartbroken. we are sad and we are heartbroken. we have never wanted anything more than we wanted to be that girl's mommy and daddy. besides the unending love and comfort from the Almighty God, the only way we have gotten through the past 4 days is by reminding ourselves that she has a family - a family that is going to love her and take care of her.

so, now what? we don't know exactly what to do now. we are gathering information about all of our options, praying for wisdom and guidance, and seeking counsel and support from our families.

this is truly the beginning of a journey. we don't know the destination. we don't know what all will happen along the way.

what we do know is this: God knows the exact destination. God knows exactly what all will happen along the way.

praise Him for that.