the beginning of a journey

"The LORD your God has blessed you...He has watched over your journey through this vast desert...the LORD your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything." - Deuteronomy 2:7

so many things have been going on lately, and i don't even know where to start. we are definitely at the beginning of a journey, the kind of journey with an unknown destination. part of that is very exciting - we consider ourselves pretty boring people, so anything that shakes up the norm is usually welcome. however, part of that is very, very scary. we had reached a point in our life that was so comfortable and blessed - we both absolutely love our jobs, we are both about to finish grad school, we have never been happier together, and we have great friends, wonderful family, and a nice place to live. God has been so good to us, and we have definitely seen and felt his blessings in our lives. so, the norm was feeling pretty good, and a shake up was very unexpected.

brent and i have always known we wanted kids - that has never been a question. we want a house full of them! we also have always known that adoption is something we were very interested in. we never knew exactly what an adoption would look like for us (domestic, international, baby, special needs, etc.), but we were just open to God's leading. we didn't know how or when, but we just knew that was something we wanted for our family.

the day after mother's day, may 10, 2010, God put a burning in our hearts - a burning we could not ignore (nor did we want to ignore it). God sent us a picture of a little girl, and we both wanted more than anything to bring that little girl home. i have never felt that way about a child - it was so unbelievable. i love love love my nieces and nephews and would do absolutely anything in the world for them. but this was different. i could not get this child off my mind. all i wanted was to pray for her, know more about her, and know what i could do to take care of her. i loved - and still do love - that little girl. so many questions were unanswered, so many things about it seemed crazy, but brent and i felt so much peace about the whole thing. we knew there was a reason we had seen her picture, and we knew that God was giving us this love for her and this peace in our hearts.

we dove head first (and wholeheartedly) into the mountain of paperwork that comes with any adoption. we submitted our first application, our second application, references, medical paperwork, psychological evaluations (which we were both sure we had failed!), and much more. we told our families (who were more than ecstatic about the whole thing), our bosses (who were both unbelievably supportive), and a few friends (who have loved and stood by us no matter what) and just waited until the first "cut." we knew that nothing was guaranteed, but we also knew that this was happening for a reason, and we really couldn't help the way our hearts felt about that little girl.

on friday, june 11, we got word that this precious little girl was going to be adopted by another family. praise the Lord for providing a family for her. they are in our prayers, and we are so thankful for the love they have for their new daughter.

however, we are heartbroken. we are sad and we are heartbroken. we have never wanted anything more than we wanted to be that girl's mommy and daddy. besides the unending love and comfort from the Almighty God, the only way we have gotten through the past 4 days is by reminding ourselves that she has a family - a family that is going to love her and take care of her.

so, now what? we don't know exactly what to do now. we are gathering information about all of our options, praying for wisdom and guidance, and seeking counsel and support from our families.

this is truly the beginning of a journey. we don't know the destination. we don't know what all will happen along the way.

what we do know is this: God knows the exact destination. God knows exactly what all will happen along the way.

praise Him for that.