goodbye 2010...welcome 2011!

oh it's just been so long since i have blogged. too long, really. of course, you already know this because you can clearly see that my last post was on november 6. really? november 6?

i haven't technically been avoiding it...but i am the world's worst procrastinator when it comes to writing. and it's not really procrastinating as much as it is partial writer's block. i can usually write a lot, but it only comes in spurts. i used to have a job where i wrote a lot of letters. my boss would give me these letters to write, and he would usually only give me like 3 or 4 at a time, but for some reason i would get so overwhelmed at the thought of writing those three letters. i would sit down at my computer and have no idea what i was going to say. so after a while, i would just put the letters in a stack. and sometimes the stack got high. (i should note that it wasn't like a was just shoving the letters off and kicking back...i always had plenty of work to do, and then plenty after that). but, when i got in the writing mood, i could bang out like 15 or 20 letters in one afternoon. one of habits was to go over to the office on a weekend, turn my tv on, watch something really intellectually stimulating (like "real housewives"), and write letters. i knew i wouldn't be interrupted by a knock at the door, my office phone wouldn't ring, and i was in the mood to write.

the entire last paragraph was a really, really long way of telling you how i have to be in a writing mood to be able to write anything at all. i kind of feel like stephenie meyer. i mean, she doesn't seem to be in the mood to finish "Midnight Sun" (much to my dismay, i might add) so she just isn't doing it. but seriously she needs to finish that puppy. have you read the first part of it that is on her website? if you haven't, go now! have i mentioned i'm a twi-hard? and yes, i totally just compared myself and my writing to stephenie meyer.

so yes, 2011 is already moving way too fast. brent and i have been saying for months now, "maybe she'll be home by the end of 2011." well guess what...january is almost over and i am freaking out! we are working on our dossier right now. we mailed off our stuff to uscis, and we are awaiting their approval. hopefully it will be soon. someone told me last week that you never know with uscis. approval could come in 5 weeks or 5 months. great. we keep telling ourselves it's all God's timing, though, and that He definitely, definitely knows best.

the end of 2010 was a crazy whirlwind for us. here are a few of the highlights:

brent and i both graduated! woo hoo! we both walked across that stage and it was like a huge burden was lifted off of us. i am so glad that i am so done with papers and so so so done with proofreading someone else's papers!



aren't we cute? i actually don't like this picture at all because i hate myself in a hat. i mean really, it is sooo obvious that a man designed those things. what woman in her right mind would think hat hair was a good idea on a day you know you have to go to a party?

of course, we graduated from:

yes, our beloved alma mater, LU. this was my third lipscomb graduation. the "lipscomb bubble" jokes can commence now.


then christmas came. oh how fun christmas was! we got to spend time with these cuties:




oh my goodness couldn't you just eat them up?!? these precious angels made christmas such a joy for us...and it made us even more excited to think about christmas with our little one.

the very end of 2010 was a total situation. brent and i celebrated new years eve with him getting the flu and bronchitis. and of course i was the worst wife ever because i had to work on new years eve and day (really long story) so i could not take care of him. so his parents had to take him to some walk-in clinic and get like 4 prescriptions and he was the most pitiful thing you have ever seen. but he is so better now...thank goodness! i really don't know how much more i could have taken of that.

the end of 2010 brought with it a lot of reflection. 2010 was such a weird year. i mean, it was a wonderful year, but a crazy weird year. when 2010 began, we would have never, ever guessed we would be where we are right now. it is so amazing to think of all of the doors God opened (and also of all the doors He closed) for us. we have never been more thankful for His guidance. He continues to open (and close) doors every single day. sometimes the closing doors slam in my face, but i know that i will look back and be SO thankful for the ones He slammed shut!

2010 held a lot of laughter. a lot of tears. days of joy. long nights of sorrow. many hugs. a few cross words (probably more than a few). hundreds of "are you kidding me?"s. hundreds of "i love you"s. and thousands of "i can't wait for her to be home"s.

so, what does 2011 hold? only He knows. i sure can't wait to find out.

oh hello there, blog. it's been a while...

i am probably the worst blogger ever. it seems that sooo much is going on, and when i start to think of all i really should be writing about, i get overwhelmed and just don't do it. i kinda have the same attitude about housecleaning. but my messy house is really more of an unfortunate situation than my neglected blog.

first of all, i must say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who came to the 147 party a few weeks ago. it was a huge success, thousands of dollars were raised, and so many people learned about the 147 ministry and the orphan crisis. God worked (and is still working) miracles through this adoption. i can't wait for little miss to get here so i can tell her about her God that loves her and about all of her friends and family that loved her before they even knew her!

we just found out last week that our home study received its first approval and is on its way to getting its second (and i think final) approval! we are so excited and ready to hit the ground running on our dossier! apparently someone thought i needed to learn patience because sometimes this whole thing seems to be taking FOREVER! but, we are learning every day how to rely more and more and God and trust in His timing. i have to keep reminding myself of isaiah 40:31 - "but they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength..." it also talks later about running and not growing weary. now wouldn't that be a miracle?

also new in our life...i just started a new job. i got a part-time job at williams-sonoma, and it will probably be just for the holidays. but who really knows? i had my first shift this past week, and i LOVED it! i mean, the whole purpose of the store is cooking, and the whole purpose of cooking is eating, so why wouldn't i love it? i will probably end up buying too much stuff to make working there even worth it, but "so what? who cares?" it really is a dangerous store for me to have access to.

oh also a big announcement...the cutest little blond haired boy ever is now a whole year old!!! last weekend we went to mr. cody's big boy birthday party, and we had the best time. i really have the most precious nieces and nephews ever. i really don't think i am being biased. if we took a vote, i really think they would win.

God has taught me so much over the past few weeks. there has been some really tough stuff going on, stuff you wish would just go away but you know it probably never will. but, God has been faithful. God has given us a family. God has given us some really, really good friends. God has given us peace and rest. God is helping us strengthen our faith.

while we don't know the outcome of this situation or really any situation, we do know this: God has the power to do ANYTHING. and, He loves us.

that pretty much rocks.

party time!

before i say anything about anything, i must show you this:

i have some of the most wonderful friends that ever were. it's really amazing that i have friends who are so good to me, because i really am not that good of a friend. i am not nearly as thoughtful as most of my friends are...but God has blessed me with some precious angels in my life!

one of my dear, dear friends leigh ellenburg (if you say her name real fast when you talk about her people think you are talking about someone named leigh ellen) is hosting a "party with a purpose"...and the proceeds help brent and me bring home our sweet girl!!!

when leigh emailed me and told me she was doing this, i was floored. i wasn't surprised that she would be so sweet, but i was just so humbled at the priceless people God has put in my life!

anyway, anyone who wants to come to this fun party (and the best part is you get to buy things for yourself!) is so welcome to come shop!!! just be sure to check out 147millionorphans.com to see all the great items that will be there! thank you leigh for your sweet heart!

this whole "fundraising" thing is a little new to me, and it is also a little hard for me...i actually sat with leigh and cried in chick-fil-a because i was so overwhelmed and scared at the thought of someone feeling pressured to give us money. i would never, ever, ever want anyone to feel pressure. however, i am unbelievably thankful for those people who have already given (you know who you are) and for those who have said they would do anything to help us get our girl home. i can't explain what that does to a girl's heart! so many people have offered hugs, prayers, encouraging words, housecleaning services (more on that later), and even a listening ear...i mean, brent and i have been given sooooo much more than we deserve. God is so so so so good - and i learn that more and more every day. thank you to all of you who have supported us - you are priceless!

just a few questions i have been pondering lately:

why do i think my house looks fine most days...but then panic over every little thing when i know my social worker is making a visit? (btw, this is the reason my precious momma and my sweet sister laura and my wonderful m-i-l vicki offered to come help clean.)

why do people who hear you are going to be a mother make a face when they find out you are adopting (rather than being pregnant)?

why is God so good to me even when i am so selfish and neglectful and gossipy and totally not mindful of Him?

why do i sometimes cry my eyes out over a commercial?

why does hair grow fast when we want it to be short and not grow at all when we want it to be long?

how can i have my own radio show (not really my own, but with some of my FUNNY friends)?

and these, my dear readers (all 2 of you), are the questions of my life this week. if anyone has an answer to any of them (or an answer to another, totally unrelated question), please feel free to comment.

are we ready for this?

this past weekend my sister and her family came in town for the holiday (even though they left before the holiday which i don't understand but it had something to do with my brother-in-law's having to work on monday so really it wasn't a holiday for them so i don't know why they can't come every weekend).

anyway, amie, tom, caroline, and charlotte came to stay at my parents house, and their visits always mean that we not only get to see them but we also get to spend time with laura and her family (because it's more fun to go over to mom and dad's house when they have people in town). we had a super fun time, but then we cried a little because buffies and justin weren't there.

one of the things i love about family being in town is going to church together. sometimes my heart just aches because i don't worship at the same church as any of my sisters. sometimes my heart just aches because we don't all live next door to each other. i love worshipping with my family. it takes me back to antioch days when we were young and life was simple and i wasn't responsible for paying any bills.

church with family is much much different now then it was then, though. now we have all of us adults and four kids under the age of four. and they are such messes. but they are the best messes that ever existed. plus, these are cousins, and everybody knows that the mischief level of normal children raises by 45% when they come in contact with their cousins.

brent and i were right in the middle of the fun on sunday morning, and i was loving every minute of it. every 5 minutes some 2 year old would decide he or she needed to sit on the other end of the pew and step on everyone's toes in the process. the 10 month old would NOT sit still, but some water in a sippy cup and some puffs (whatever the heck those are...they seem a little suspect to me) would occupy him for about 10 seconds at a time. toys were being dropped, water and puffs spilled (and don't forget toes stepped on), but it really was just a normal worship service with kids. about 15 minutes into it, brent looks at me and whispers (with a very stressed out look on his face), "i don't think i am ready for this" i said, "well you better get ready." (i am about as supportive as a training bra.)

i can't say that i haven't had those same thoughts/feelings. there isn't a day that goes by that i don't wonder if i am too young/inexperienced/spacey/unorganized/lazy/you fill in the blank to be a mother. like, do i really know what i am getting into?

here is what i have settled on:
yes, i am too young/inexperienced/spacey/unorganized/lazy/you fill in the blank/and a million other things to be a mother.
no, i don't have any idea what i am getting into.

but, i won't be the youngest mother that ever was. (according to http://www.mothersdaycelebration.com/mothers-day-trivia.html, the youngest mother ever was like 5 years old. umm, gross.) i won't be the most inexperienced mother that ever was. i won't be the spaciest or the most unorganized or laziest or whatever (it would be kind of fun for someone to make a list of who those women were/are. how awful though if your name ended up on that list!).

and, has any mother ever really known what she was getting into? no matter how many classes you attend, books you read, or doctors you talk to, no one can ever really prepare you for being a mother.

we went to a training last night at our adoption agency, and we talked for 2 hours about how to do the right things for your child once you bring him/her home. overwhelming would be a mild way to describe this training. i know we were supposed to leave there feeling more prepared, but i think we just left there realizing how much we don't know. there are all these things you have to think about when it comes to attachment, things that are different than when you have a child biologically. the lady that was running the meeting said, "if we don't get attachment right, nothing else matters." wow. no pressure or anything.

i have come to the realization that i cannot be a good mother. i cannot figure out this attachment stuff. i cannot raise my child the way she needs to be raised. i cannot love her and care for her the way she needs to be loved and cared for. all i will do is totally screw things up.

however, GOD can give me the strength and knowledge i need to be a good mother. GOD has this attachment stuff down, and HE already has a plan for our attachment with her. GOD loves her and is taking care of her and will continue to love her and take care of her and will give me the love and tools i need to love her and take care of her. and when i totally screw things up, GOD will show me how to clean up the mess (or HE will just clean it up for me - like HE does all the time).

i guess brent was right. we really are not ready for this. but God is.

praying

today i am praying:

that God will drive my dad's car for him.

that God will take away Rick's fears.

for peace for my grandmother.

that hard hearts will be softened.

that God will fill hearts with love and forgiveness, not fear and superiority.

that brothers and sisters will learn to get along.

for reconciliation and recovery.

for all of those Rick is leaving behind.

that i can learn to bite my tongue.

for wisdom.

that God will take away anger and pain.

for motivation.

for safety.

for my parents.

that God will give courage to those who need to stand up for what's right.

that God will help me forgive.

that Rick knows he is loved.

that Satan will lose this battle.

for our baby.

that God will be glorified through our words, our actions, and through Rick's victory.


praise God that we can pray. praise God for always hearing our prayers. praise God for loving us. praise God.

retreat

so this past weekend brent and i went to hotlanta for a meeting for bc's work. this was kind of a funny weekend for us because brent's job used to be my job. after i decided to come work at bhcc, my former boss asked brent to come work in his office. it has been an unbelievable blessing for both of us. brent is way better at the job than i was, and we are both loving what we are doing now. God really has been good.

anyway, this meeting we went to is called a retreat. what it really consists of is a lot (and i mean a lot) of work so that this group of people can drive several hours to some exotic location (like atlanta, birmingham, or huntsville) and spend less than 24 hours together. the group seems to enjoy it, though, and it has given brent and me a reason to take a little road trip for the past 3 years.

it was a funny weekend, though, because i am not working there anymore, but less than a year ago i was working with/for all of these people. so i was worried that i would be that awkward girl standing around not knowing what to do. and i was. but that's ok because i got to be with brent and stay in a hotel and someone else made my king-size bed and cooked my breakfast and lunch and dinner and gave me clean towels.

one great part of the retreat was seeing a good friend, leigh. leigh is a lady whom i have known for many years, and her husband and brent work together. when leigh found out a few weeks ago that we were adopting, she called me and was almost hysterical on the phone. she has been so happy for us and supportive of us - she is a blessing in our lives. she is a constant source of encouragement and love.

another great part of the retreat was sharing our news with friends we hadn't seen in a while. i just love telling people about this journey, and everyone has been so supportive.

after the retreat was over we got to go see our two favorite girls in the world...caroline and charlotte! i am so happy to be an aunt, and seeing brent with those two girls just made me giddy about how great of a dad he is going to be. they really are so fun and hilarious. caroline is smart! she says things and you're like, "how the heck did you know that?" charlotte is just a nut. she is funny, funny, funny. she is always happy and loves to play.

so we had a fun time with them and amie and tom...we went swimming, had a tea party, played with the fireworks on brent's ipad, played with woody, jessie, and buzz lightyear (and a bear who has been named as the evil emperor zurg - of course he was invited to the tea party so i don't know how evil he really is), went to their new church, and to top it all off we went to mimi's cafe (in honor of our mimi) and ate din din with buffies and justin.

being in the car with brent gave us a lot of good time to talk. i was reminded this weekend about how much i just love him. even though we are not always perfect together, we really do just love being together.

one of the conversations we had in the car worried me, though:

me: you know, we are really gonna have to make sure you know how to cook some stuff before the baby gets here. i mean, in case i am not home one night and you are in charge of dinner. she is going to need food.

brent: wait, i am gonna be home alone with her?

i really do think he is going to be a great dad, though.

unexpected encouragement

so i know it has been forever since i posted last. i don't know how you have been standing the wait. i know you count on me for your entertainment, and it is really irresponsible of me not to post. i promise to do better about posting in the future. it's just a lot of pressure to have so many people breathing down your neck (judy c. would understand).

so anyway, now that summer is coming to an end (hallelujah) and most of our trips are over (we have saved the most fun for last...a board meeting for bc's work!), hopefully i can have more time to write. well, i should say that i have been doing plenty of writing...just not fun writing. i have been working on my thesis (which, incidentally, i present this afternoon and am not finished with...can you say procrastination?). have i mentioned that i am in grad school? i love to talk about being in grad school. it gives me the opportunity to remind everyone about what a big deal i am.

there is lots to update on (although anyone that reads this blog already knows all of this - however, i write for posterity's sake).

we have officially decided on ethiopia! after lots of prayer and discussion, we really feel that God is leading us to this wonderful country. that is the country our case worker was so excited about, that is the country for which we were dispositioned with no concerns, and that is the country where our hearts are. we are still very much in the paperwork process (don't you just love paperwork?), but we are moving forward every day. hopefully, before too long, we will fly across the atlantic ocean to addis ababa, ethiopia, and meet our beautiful daughter. God already knows who she is, and we are praying for her every day.

while there is so much excitement and joy in my heart about this whole thing, there are some days i feel very stressed and overwhelmed. i tell myself that we are not getting our paperwork done quickly enough, or i think of all the things that could go wrong. this past week i have felt like that pretty much every day. i don't know if it is just exhaustion, or if i am just stressed about my paper (did i mention that i am in grad school), or if it just pms. whatever it is, it has been really discouraging to me.

i was reminded yesterday of what an incredibly awesome God we serve.

several weeks ago, before we had even officially decided on ethiopia, a good friend of mine (shout out to amy b.!) shared a youtube video with me. the video is about a family's "gotcha day" (the day they went to pick up their daughter). it is actually just the mom that goes (the dad was at home taking care of 4 other kids!), but the video shows her going to ethiopia to meet her sweet little girl. i have watched this video many, many times, and shared it with my whole family. it has been a real source of inspiration for bc and me.

so yesterday i was at chick-fil-a with my dad (which was really unusual - not to eat with my dad but for us to meet for lunch at chick-fil-a), and we were walking out the door when i saw her - the lady from the video! i knew it was her because i had watched it so many times - and she had her little girl with her! i was like, omgoodness! i could not believe it. i walked over to her (i couldn't help myself), and said, "i am so sorry to interuppt your lunch, but i just had to meet you. i have seen your video so many times." i started crying and told her that my name was katie, and that my husband and i were trying to adopt from ethiopia, and that she had been such an inspiration to us. she was actually with another woman with her new son from ethiopia and another couple who were talking to her about adoption (they are thinking about it). it really made my day.

i know God put all of us in that place at that time. i continue to be amazed by what He does - He is so good to me! it was just what i needed - and of course He knew that!

so, go watch the video (search for "lucy lane's gotcha day" on youtube), because i think it is so encouraging and inspirational. hopefully she and i will cross paths again.

at the end of the video, they use this quote, which i have fallen in love with:

I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do. - Hellen Keller

in case you wanted to know, i had the spicy chicken sandwich at chick-fil-a. it's good, but it is hot!